the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
