Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
