Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
