drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
