Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
