I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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