she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
