Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
