You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
