I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
