It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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