Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
