it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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