And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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