I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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