I need help removing her.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
