I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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