Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
