Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
