I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
