is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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