May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
