Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
