Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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