You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
