If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
