my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I didn't notice because vodka
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
