is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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