I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
