Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
zippers are such a cool invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
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