If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
