Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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