if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
