she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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