Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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