I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
