I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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