I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Are we still banned from the library?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
