i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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