just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
