it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
