you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i wish my penis had a tongue
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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