Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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