Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
