literally had 100 drinks last night.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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