I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
