I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
