This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
