dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
