I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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