Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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