He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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