suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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