We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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