wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
