Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
