he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
