Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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