Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(507): View more from Minnesota

I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.

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(810): View more from Michigan

I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it

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(847): View more from Illinois

Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.

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These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Read it at the TFLN blog
(812): View more from Indiana

You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.

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(916): View more from California

If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present

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(318): View more from Louisiana

Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought

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(408): View more from California

This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually

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(209): View more from California

He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.

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