I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
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im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
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Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair