i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
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I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
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I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.