he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
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Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
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Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special