the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?