She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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