Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out