Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the day after is always just damage control
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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