I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS