and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
