I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
