In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
