I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
