It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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