I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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