You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
