Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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