woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
