How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
