i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
