thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
