Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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