Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
