my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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