New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
