also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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