You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
